wow. it was really a fulfilling day yesterday when i went back to camp with changpeng. LOL. met up with my OC & CSM, PS & the remants of the Glory Geenas. it was a great getogether man.
to be honest, i really miss my coy. great memories, great ppl, great things. my fondest memories frm my NS time come frm there. well, i spend more a yr & a half there. so it's natural tat most of my fond memories came frm there, frm the people that i have called comarades, who are willing to look after my ass, jus like how i am willing to look after their's. this muz be wat they call camaradiere.
though the visit was short. the catch up was good. wld try to visit again when i have the chance :P
well, went to wrk again today. haha. been like that ever since i ORD. but yea. though i like the current job that i am in. i must acknowledge that i do need to look for a better payin job to supplement my income and my expenditure. it is more practical. and yea, i am very picky abt my job. how much i liked the job and wrking enviroment is far more impt than how much the job is paying me. coz i personally feel that u enjoy ur time at wrk, one muz be doin a job that one really like in order to get this satisfaction.
still job hunting.
Thursday, January 22, 2009
Monday, January 19, 2009
jus feel like strangling myself.
the signs were there and i was jus too blind to see.
enough be said, there is lots to be done on my part.
sometimes i just hate myself. maybe it was never meant to be, like always.
sometimes i jus feel like givin up and jus dont bother abt anything at all.
sometimes i jus cant but have the feeling if things are what they seemed to be.
what if everything was just a facade?
what if the other party was jus tryin not to hurt me?
i really dont know. all i can do is jus to trust, wait & see.
hmmm. as always, the only person that i can really turn too is myself.yea. bert tryin to cheer bert up. it has always been the case and always wld be. yea. i guess i shld jus go back into the little world of my own as i had did in the past. it wld be best it seems. yea. perhaps the conclusion wld always be the same. it ended before it started. as much as i dont want it to be this way. it is jus frm my side. her side also need to complement it. so that the conclusion wld not be forgone. it takes 2 hands to clap. i jus really dont know. maybe i shld jus take my side of the hand and strangle myself.
confuse i am. emoing i am. i jus wanna be left alone. yea. i was the one thinking too much. i was the one havin too much hopes. i was the one that thought otherwise. sigh. it jus dont work out the way i hope it would. nothing does work out for me i guess.
i jus wanna be alone now.
the signs were there and i was jus too blind to see.
enough be said, there is lots to be done on my part.
sometimes i just hate myself. maybe it was never meant to be, like always.
sometimes i jus feel like givin up and jus dont bother abt anything at all.
sometimes i jus cant but have the feeling if things are what they seemed to be.
what if everything was just a facade?
what if the other party was jus tryin not to hurt me?
i really dont know. all i can do is jus to trust, wait & see.
hmmm. as always, the only person that i can really turn too is myself.yea. bert tryin to cheer bert up. it has always been the case and always wld be. yea. i guess i shld jus go back into the little world of my own as i had did in the past. it wld be best it seems. yea. perhaps the conclusion wld always be the same. it ended before it started. as much as i dont want it to be this way. it is jus frm my side. her side also need to complement it. so that the conclusion wld not be forgone. it takes 2 hands to clap. i jus really dont know. maybe i shld jus take my side of the hand and strangle myself.
confuse i am. emoing i am. i jus wanna be left alone. yea. i was the one thinking too much. i was the one havin too much hopes. i was the one that thought otherwise. sigh. it jus dont work out the way i hope it would. nothing does work out for me i guess.
i jus wanna be alone now.
Friday, January 16, 2009
well, maybe this isnt the time to be emoing since it is like so close to cny. but somethings jus set me thinking.
3years have past and i can safely say that i have indeed gotten over her. it wasnt easy. but well, i did it. not by myself but coz of this person that i have gotten to knw recently. knwing and interacting with her jus made me view things differently from how i wld have viewed them in the past. and even though i have jus knwn her for a short while. i jus feel that i knw her for a long time.......and i muz really admit.......i think i have fallen for her.
but as much as i have feelings for her. i wld say at the moment it is kinda one sided. i understand that she needs time to short things out with herself jus like i did. and i am willing to wait. coz i believe that she is worth the wait. but i hope that it wld not take too long. coz like as fire needs fuel to burn. i believe so do love and relationship. and it takes 2 hands to clap..... i knw that i may sound super negative here. but i am afraid. afraid that the fire wld jus die out and nothing wld come out of it. i really do not want it to happen. i want this fire to be an eternal flame. always burning brightly even in the darkest of nights. and i am willing to do anything to keep it burning but of coz not at her expense.
maybe it's coz i have seen her in a week and i am really missing her badly. that y i am talking abt this at this unearthly hour. i jus feel vunerable and kinda scared. like how a kid wld feel in the dark. having fears. fear of things not wrking out. fear of things jus endin before it started. as optismistic as i may be. some of these fears may jus have an effect on me.
haha. actually now i dun knw wat i am talking also. but yea. it was great hearing her voice jus now. even though it was jus for a short while. it made me smile despite the fact that we didnt talk much.
i want you & i need you. and i'll wait for u till the ocean run dry & the sun burns out. i'll wait. coz i do not wanna lose a gal like u. a hard to find treasure. a gem.
3years have past and i can safely say that i have indeed gotten over her. it wasnt easy. but well, i did it. not by myself but coz of this person that i have gotten to knw recently. knwing and interacting with her jus made me view things differently from how i wld have viewed them in the past. and even though i have jus knwn her for a short while. i jus feel that i knw her for a long time.......and i muz really admit.......i think i have fallen for her.
but as much as i have feelings for her. i wld say at the moment it is kinda one sided. i understand that she needs time to short things out with herself jus like i did. and i am willing to wait. coz i believe that she is worth the wait. but i hope that it wld not take too long. coz like as fire needs fuel to burn. i believe so do love and relationship. and it takes 2 hands to clap..... i knw that i may sound super negative here. but i am afraid. afraid that the fire wld jus die out and nothing wld come out of it. i really do not want it to happen. i want this fire to be an eternal flame. always burning brightly even in the darkest of nights. and i am willing to do anything to keep it burning but of coz not at her expense.
maybe it's coz i have seen her in a week and i am really missing her badly. that y i am talking abt this at this unearthly hour. i jus feel vunerable and kinda scared. like how a kid wld feel in the dark. having fears. fear of things not wrking out. fear of things jus endin before it started. as optismistic as i may be. some of these fears may jus have an effect on me.
haha. actually now i dun knw wat i am talking also. but yea. it was great hearing her voice jus now. even though it was jus for a short while. it made me smile despite the fact that we didnt talk much.
i want you & i need you. and i'll wait for u till the ocean run dry & the sun burns out. i'll wait. coz i do not wanna lose a gal like u. a hard to find treasure. a gem.
Monday, January 05, 2009
OMG! it has been like wat 4 mths before i even updated my blog. LOL.
well, jus wanna wish whoever that is readin this blog, if there is ever one that reads it.
Happy 2009!!!
alot of things have happen since i last blogged. i've found a partime job that doesnt pay that much by the hr, but it is a job that i love. i've found someone that gradually makes me forget abt the other her. i've ORD frm the army. i've survived NS. but the list jus goes on and on and on abt these significant things that have happened.
many of my platoon mates have shared with one another about our NS experience. and most of the output that comes frm them are rather negative. sayin this abt army, that abt army. nth good i must say. but for myself, personally i thought that my NS experience was rather memorable. well, one cld be sayin that i am self consoling myself due to the fact that i did not make it to command school, while everyone ard me even my close frenz expected me to make it there. i would say that it could be a blessing in disguise that i did not make it there. otherwise i would be have met a great bunch of peeps like my platoon mates and the guys in my company. it really open my eyes frm the rather sheltered life that i have led thus far.
yea. i could also be in a way consolin myself. coz i admit that i was rather disappointed that i did not make it into command sch despite doin quite well durin my BMT. onli bad point. i failed my ippt. which more or less condemn me to serve as a Man in some unit. i came into 41 feelin very demoralise coz of my posting. and i admit that i wanted out frm the place the very day that i stepped in. but as time slowly goes by. outfield after outfield. shit after shit. i finally came to like the place that i have called home for nearly 2 years. i was really sad to actually leave the place. i remembered i look back in sadness as i walked through the gates for the last time. all the fond memories that i've gotten from there.......
it jus seemed like yesterday that i have stepped into the place. the friends that i have made there. the troubles that i have caused there. the things that i have left there. i could still remember them. as much as i would say i wouldnt say it. i miss my camp. not coz of the management but rather coz of the ppl that have made my stay there such a memorable one. i have my own reservations about the management of my unit but some things are better left unsaid, unspoken. i know, u know can alr. :))
1 more positive thing that happen to me in NS was that i made a great buddy there. though i must admit that at times he may not seem the best of buddy. but he's the best that i could ever have. well, i do have certain reservations about certain issues with him but sometimes i jus choose to hold my peace. coz talking too much as i have learnt could jus land u into hot soup. but 1 thing that i feel very strongly for him is his choice of girls and fricklemindedness over them. well, despite voicing out to him several times, could see that he still choose to walk the path that he has walked all along. and as much as what he tells me, i still got eyes to see, ears to hear. that at times what he told me was not the whole truth but rather he was jus telling me what i wanna hear. which well, could be rather infuriating at times.
i personally feel that one shld be honest and true to oneself and to one's interest or even to frenz. and not just keep running away from the truth or avoiding it or jus smoking your way thru. if you really like her, jus go for her. even though she may not be the best choice of gf to others coz of her characteristics and behaviour. also. givin in to her all the time financially and morally is not going to get u anywhere too. u would just end up penniless and in debt. well, maybe that's where true love does surface.
as much as i do not like her as a person. if it's ur choice, my blessings go with u. jus know that everybody have a choice. and once u make it there is no turning back. u just have to lived with it. and from what i can see, i guess u have made your choice to stick with her. so u jus have to live with it. as curious as i am about the 2 of u. i am also kinda sick of it. it's always the same story. "i am not with her" but actions seems like "i am still with her" kinda of story. it does make me wanna whack u at times. but i've gotten over that phase.
i acknowledge that we may not spend as much time together as we would have in the past, but well, i do try to make time for u. it jus that u spend most of ur days sleeping or with her. i do try not to become 1 of ur type of frenz that jus disappear over time. but output from my side shld be match with output from your side. aft all it takes 2 hands to clap. yea. if i keep going and on. i could really talk about a hell lot of things about u.
anyways, recently something good happen to me too. found someone that suits my category of an ideal gf. well, relationship is still in the making but i hope things would turn out the way that we want it to be. i know she wants to go into a relationship. but i do need some time on my part to clear my head over certain stuffs and she's quite understanding about tat. :)) it really touches me to see it so. that's all i can say for these.
i feel that my friendship with my secondary school buddies have evolved to a new level. can say that we are now much closer than we are in the past. now that all of them are in NS and i am out of it. we do treasure our freetime together. no longer it just lan lan lan. right now there are other things inserted inside too. haha. can u actually believe it? we are actually plannin a road trip to australia. but first i need to get my liscense. headache man.
kkz. i think that all for now. if i carry on further i can jus write a novel already.
signing out............
well, jus wanna wish whoever that is readin this blog, if there is ever one that reads it.
Happy 2009!!!
alot of things have happen since i last blogged. i've found a partime job that doesnt pay that much by the hr, but it is a job that i love. i've found someone that gradually makes me forget abt the other her. i've ORD frm the army. i've survived NS. but the list jus goes on and on and on abt these significant things that have happened.
many of my platoon mates have shared with one another about our NS experience. and most of the output that comes frm them are rather negative. sayin this abt army, that abt army. nth good i must say. but for myself, personally i thought that my NS experience was rather memorable. well, one cld be sayin that i am self consoling myself due to the fact that i did not make it to command school, while everyone ard me even my close frenz expected me to make it there. i would say that it could be a blessing in disguise that i did not make it there. otherwise i would be have met a great bunch of peeps like my platoon mates and the guys in my company. it really open my eyes frm the rather sheltered life that i have led thus far.
yea. i could also be in a way consolin myself. coz i admit that i was rather disappointed that i did not make it into command sch despite doin quite well durin my BMT. onli bad point. i failed my ippt. which more or less condemn me to serve as a Man in some unit. i came into 41 feelin very demoralise coz of my posting. and i admit that i wanted out frm the place the very day that i stepped in. but as time slowly goes by. outfield after outfield. shit after shit. i finally came to like the place that i have called home for nearly 2 years. i was really sad to actually leave the place. i remembered i look back in sadness as i walked through the gates for the last time. all the fond memories that i've gotten from there.......
it jus seemed like yesterday that i have stepped into the place. the friends that i have made there. the troubles that i have caused there. the things that i have left there. i could still remember them. as much as i would say i wouldnt say it. i miss my camp. not coz of the management but rather coz of the ppl that have made my stay there such a memorable one. i have my own reservations about the management of my unit but some things are better left unsaid, unspoken. i know, u know can alr. :))
1 more positive thing that happen to me in NS was that i made a great buddy there. though i must admit that at times he may not seem the best of buddy. but he's the best that i could ever have. well, i do have certain reservations about certain issues with him but sometimes i jus choose to hold my peace. coz talking too much as i have learnt could jus land u into hot soup. but 1 thing that i feel very strongly for him is his choice of girls and fricklemindedness over them. well, despite voicing out to him several times, could see that he still choose to walk the path that he has walked all along. and as much as what he tells me, i still got eyes to see, ears to hear. that at times what he told me was not the whole truth but rather he was jus telling me what i wanna hear. which well, could be rather infuriating at times.
i personally feel that one shld be honest and true to oneself and to one's interest or even to frenz. and not just keep running away from the truth or avoiding it or jus smoking your way thru. if you really like her, jus go for her. even though she may not be the best choice of gf to others coz of her characteristics and behaviour. also. givin in to her all the time financially and morally is not going to get u anywhere too. u would just end up penniless and in debt. well, maybe that's where true love does surface.
as much as i do not like her as a person. if it's ur choice, my blessings go with u. jus know that everybody have a choice. and once u make it there is no turning back. u just have to lived with it. and from what i can see, i guess u have made your choice to stick with her. so u jus have to live with it. as curious as i am about the 2 of u. i am also kinda sick of it. it's always the same story. "i am not with her" but actions seems like "i am still with her" kinda of story. it does make me wanna whack u at times. but i've gotten over that phase.
i acknowledge that we may not spend as much time together as we would have in the past, but well, i do try to make time for u. it jus that u spend most of ur days sleeping or with her. i do try not to become 1 of ur type of frenz that jus disappear over time. but output from my side shld be match with output from your side. aft all it takes 2 hands to clap. yea. if i keep going and on. i could really talk about a hell lot of things about u.
anyways, recently something good happen to me too. found someone that suits my category of an ideal gf. well, relationship is still in the making but i hope things would turn out the way that we want it to be. i know she wants to go into a relationship. but i do need some time on my part to clear my head over certain stuffs and she's quite understanding about tat. :)) it really touches me to see it so. that's all i can say for these.
i feel that my friendship with my secondary school buddies have evolved to a new level. can say that we are now much closer than we are in the past. now that all of them are in NS and i am out of it. we do treasure our freetime together. no longer it just lan lan lan. right now there are other things inserted inside too. haha. can u actually believe it? we are actually plannin a road trip to australia. but first i need to get my liscense. headache man.
kkz. i think that all for now. if i carry on further i can jus write a novel already.
signing out............
Saturday, August 23, 2008
wheeee. ahm is finally here. here we are again. going to do the same old stuffs that we did last year. which is like quite fun la. hah lookin forward to it later in the nite when we chiong thru the nite and have lots of fun. well, last ahm before i ORD. rofl. fun fun fun.
that's all for now. maybe later.
that's all for now. maybe later.
Sunday, August 17, 2008
blog jus before i book in. haha.
going to be a super xiong week next week. lots of things coming up. another long long long walk. follow by track breaking and AHM. grrrr. then the next week outfield again. sad lo. haha. nowadays it's not so safe to talk so much on blog. lots of ppl watching. lots of ppl readin :P
BREAK TRACK TMR!!! yay. like finally aft such a long while. ROFL
going to be a super xiong week next week. lots of things coming up. another long long long walk. follow by track breaking and AHM. grrrr. then the next week outfield again. sad lo. haha. nowadays it's not so safe to talk so much on blog. lots of ppl watching. lots of ppl readin :P
BREAK TRACK TMR!!! yay. like finally aft such a long while. ROFL
Wednesday, August 06, 2008
boohoo! it's a very borin week for me in camp. haha reason? well, am on status (excuse outfield) after a very unfortunate fall that happen to me while i was fireman liftin our dear wee leong. landed with my face rubbin the road. woaah. it is indeed a feelin of a life time man.
haha. at least i am not alone in camp. i still have my dear SC, SGT P and Ting'er to keep me company coz due to unforeseen circumstances they were not able to make it out to the field. so there we are. 3 lonely souls keepin guard over our company. ok la. sounds kinda lame.
national day is this weekend, and it is probably the last time that i cld see kok chong, that is provided that his sentencing on the 12th of Aug gives him probation instead of a jail term. hope that it wld turn out for the latter instead of the former. hmmm. right now, we havnt decided on a place to go yet. so ya. haha here i am sittin down, supposedly tryin to find a place to eat but it is an excuse to use the com. hehex. hmm. 1 more day and the rest of the platoon wld be back. sad to say, too bad the outfield cant be longer :P like that i wld probably have more time to do some self reflection in bunk, on my bed :x tsk. hope PC doesnt shoot too much rounds thru his Co-Ax. coz aft all the ones that is cleanin that arms is us, his men.
looking back the past 2 years of my ns life, army seems to be a little more relax now that we are closer to our ORD date, not taking into considerations the alternate combat runs that we have, the occsational IPPT or SOC tests that seem to pop up frequently and of coz not forgettin the never-ending "faituge work" aka SAIKANG that always seems to get thrown at us. it is everpresent, neverending. a NSF's worst nightmare. it was totally different from how i first started out as a chao recruit at Tekong, before comin over to 41SAR as an AI Trooper. life back then was not as great as how it is now. even though there cld be some form of improvement, for eg, better passing of instructions and lesser waiting time etc.
i guess that's all from me for now.
haha. at least i am not alone in camp. i still have my dear SC, SGT P and Ting'er to keep me company coz due to unforeseen circumstances they were not able to make it out to the field. so there we are. 3 lonely souls keepin guard over our company. ok la. sounds kinda lame.
national day is this weekend, and it is probably the last time that i cld see kok chong, that is provided that his sentencing on the 12th of Aug gives him probation instead of a jail term. hope that it wld turn out for the latter instead of the former. hmmm. right now, we havnt decided on a place to go yet. so ya. haha here i am sittin down, supposedly tryin to find a place to eat but it is an excuse to use the com. hehex. hmm. 1 more day and the rest of the platoon wld be back. sad to say, too bad the outfield cant be longer :P like that i wld probably have more time to do some self reflection in bunk, on my bed :x tsk. hope PC doesnt shoot too much rounds thru his Co-Ax. coz aft all the ones that is cleanin that arms is us, his men.
looking back the past 2 years of my ns life, army seems to be a little more relax now that we are closer to our ORD date, not taking into considerations the alternate combat runs that we have, the occsational IPPT or SOC tests that seem to pop up frequently and of coz not forgettin the never-ending "faituge work" aka SAIKANG that always seems to get thrown at us. it is everpresent, neverending. a NSF's worst nightmare. it was totally different from how i first started out as a chao recruit at Tekong, before comin over to 41SAR as an AI Trooper. life back then was not as great as how it is now. even though there cld be some form of improvement, for eg, better passing of instructions and lesser waiting time etc.
i guess that's all from me for now.
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