Everyone puts on a mask that they want people to see, myself included. keeping up this camouflage is quite tiring especially after time. i just wanna be the guy that i know i am, but it is impossible for many reasons.
my posts have been getting more and more melancholy as time go by. i can never find a person whom i can talk with and truly share my troubles. i guess that explains why friends come and go in my life and to me, it is a process which i go through everyday. i do not feel anything. to me, it just marks the start of another chapter in my friendshp. i make new friends and lose some old ones too. but it doesnt really matter to me. i have too many to keep track off anyway. i can never have this fixed group of friends. i am always here or there, never fix in one place. i am not constant like the river water. socialable? i really dun knw.
the same can be said about me when it comes to relationships. girls just come and go in my life. once a long time ago, i thought that i have found the right girl but i let her slip away. and that chapter close, and i move on. and when i look back, i think that i really have left behind a path of destruction in my wake. i did more harm than good.
i just wanna declare that i will not know the friend of my friend through my friend. and most of the time i do not really wanna know friends that my friends know unless of course they are already my friends. i believe in making friends with my own ability and not relying on others. it limits my social circle if i just know the people around me. i do not see any point in doin it. i am just limiting myself to this group of people. and most of all, i do not like or want to make new friends in a small school like MI for reasons known to me and me alone. my pool of friends is large enough without any new additions, thank you.
there are certain things to life that i really hate.
Things that i really hate:
- People that talk too much
- Nagging
- People giving attitude, you give me attitude, i sure return it back to you double
- using of my name to achieve personal goals.
- backstabbers
- people that talk and talk, thinking that they know everything.
- egoistic freaks.
- people who made use of friends for personal gain
- excessive homework
- lack of understanding in people
- lack of common sense in people
- people who think the whole world evolve around them.
- imperfection in perfection
- people that are overbearing.
i see that around me all the time but i get much more critical now that i am suffering from friend fatigue and i care less who i offend. i can offend anyone and everyone. i try to accomodate my friends as much as possible but i may display the traits that i hate at times but i do try to be the best possible friends to my friends. i am truly threading the fine line between anger and irritation. i just can't stand the life that i am living now. i need her but she was never there.
life is really going downhill. i am suffering from Friend Fatigue & School Fatigue.
facade vs reality how realistic it can get.
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