been a long long long time since i last updated my blog. decide to do it here in this chilling place that i have called my home for the past 3 days. alot of things had happened prior to this trip. well, i would think of it as 2 heartbroken souls jus trying to find their answers but taking a short getaway frm the normal hassle and passle that we would experience in our everyday life.

hmmm. as to what i have been up to recently, got myself a full time job but then still wrking partime at fish n co and teaching tution. haha many ppl have called me crazy. actually i think that i am. well, it started off with me wanting to earn for $$$ for my other half, but it ended up with me seeing the practical side of it. more wrk means more $$$ which also mean that i would have lesser time to spend $$$, so ultimately i can save more. which in the long run seems much better than jus surviving on the pay of my main employer.

yea. as quickly as i could say boo!, i'm like single again. haha i think i am like damn suay with gals even though i do have quite a few frenz. it really sucks when u jus see girl after girl that one is romantically involved with leave u 1 by 1 and after that to only find her 1 true love. sounds like the movie "good luck chuck"? it rly seems like it is jus happening to me. maybe that's y i am jus contented to remain as frens rather than to be romantically involved as much as i may like the person. perhaps like this, shit wouldnt happen. well,since it happens alot of time, i think there should be some sort of problem that needs to be fixed. sigh. but i jus do not know what izzit. i cant really see any fault with myself. maybe i do need a 3rd party to examine me and rly see what's wrong.

seriously, i jus dont really have the mood to date or chase after any girls nowadays eversince mandy came along. she kind of change my view of gals after all that had happened between us. i really think that what happen between us was a mistake and now that it ended maybe some good would come out of it.

also, i realised that a part of me was like dead eversince after _______. i really do not think i can find back that part of me again. sad but ya, i dont think i could ever be the same again. haha also i realised that i am jus babbling over here with no real structure. jus typing whatever that comes to mind. so it is jus rambling and rambling on. sound like some lunny? haha i think so too.

there are like so many things that i would like to type here. but then i am jus afraid of scrutiny. like how siti would put it. PUSSY. yea. i knw. but ya. cant be help. i got a big big fear of rejection.

but 1 thing good did came out of my breakup. i really got closer and i mean much much closer to my sec sch buddies. quite stupid of me to jus take them for granted sometimes. not seeing that they were always there for me when i needed someone. always there for me. i am not as strong as u think. that strong part of me stayed a long time ago with the part of me that died a long time ago. cheem? haha i hope not. i am not as strong as i think i am. i do really pray for more confidence in myself.

i think that's all for now. having writer's block.