Top 5 Things to do after A Levels

1. Pierce ear, dye hair, tatoo
2. Backpacking Holiday
3. Get my Kayaking Coaching License
4. Start up a business
5. Get my driver's license

well, these are jus some of the many things that i want to do after i complete my A's. haha. merv , alvin and i prepared the design that we want for our tatoos alr :)) so many things to do but so little time as after my A's, it would mean that i would be serving NS. well, i can only hope for a late enlistment around April or sth. that would be best. A Levels is coming up and i would be lying to say if i am not anxious. esp over my econs. ya. i better start kicking into full muggin mode soon. :)) like the teachers like to say "it is still not too late to start now"

went to collect class jersey yesterday, suppose to collect my new handphone too but the shop said that the phone that i wanted no stock again. so decide to change to another phone. W700i. haha. comtemplating to upgrade to K800i as i would need to top up $200 only. have till this friday to consider when the phone comes in. really sick of waiting for my handphone already. is it so hard jus to change a new phone? grrrrr......

Jersey arrived yesterday, after 3 years 04B4 finally had something to call our own. though it may not be many times that we get to wear it, the fact that we did get something done as a class is commendable. :)) do you feel a sense of belonging to the class now?

Front View of My Class Jersey. I think it is darn nice. well, personal opinion here. Thankew.

BERTIE, haha. used to hate this nick but after a while sorta grown into it and i think that it is a darn cool nick. well, what to do. i really love this name :P the event in which lead to the adoption is still fresh on my mind, it seem only like yesterday when it happen.

Well, in case, you did not know i am also known as Gerard. That's my confirmation name. :))

finally, after 3 years, we did our class jerseys. think it is darn nice and cool. and we are like going to wear it officially once, which would be on next thurs during teachers' day. :)) i would say that this is quite a bad week for me. a lot of happenings, a lot of thoughts occured during the course of this week. at least the end of the week is here. how nice can it be. lookin forward to this weekend. going to palau ubin with alvin and merv.

love the past and i miss it alot. ya. i guess you were right about it. relive it? i hope i can. nothing much to blog about also la. jus that want to put something up here at the suggestion of some wise people. :))

E*** C******* T***** T** S*** K*** likes J*** G*****

have i truly erred? i'm regrettin? Yes I am. I wish things would be the same? Yes. I wish. but some things once done are unable to change. i cant rewrite history, neither can i changed what had happened in the past. but what i can do is to make sure that there would be no repeat. once bitten, twice shy. as much as i wish that things would be the same as it was, i must admit that it is impossible. i hate to admit that it is near impossible for things to be jus like how it was in the past, but i must admit that i still hold that super faint glimmer of hope that this impossible would turn possible. i am just deceiving myself. and i seek to wrap myself in this deception and refused to accept the truth for what it is. i believed that i have lost more than what i have gain. it only takes a spark to start a fire, and that incident was the spark. and it started into a bonfire. i guess you would have move on as i guess you would. but ya. i guess, i am still stuck right here, not knowing where to go and what to do. i thought that i did, but apparently i didn't.

well, guess i am jus admitting things which i shld have admitted a long time ago. i am definitely way far away from being the perfect guy that i strive to be. i am guy with many flaws and you turn this flaws into strengths? well, even if you didn't, let's jus give it benefit of doubt.

life is like a game of chess. with many pieces and many moves to get a "Checkmate" and i guess i made a wrong move, which resulted in quite dire consequences. but there are many others ways in which i can turn the tables around. well, avoiding it is definitely not the way, i should just meet this problem head on like i normally would, but when it comes to you, i just don't dare. surprise that i am scared? i am too, myself. it is just so unlike me.

well, i assume too much at times but i can't help it. insecurity? it could be. as i think i am afraid to lose you. as much as i think or others think that i have too high a self esteem, you are weak spot. and boy, you can really bring me crashing down to earth. my achilles heel, indeed you are.

if things could ever be the same again, i would always hope for a restart? well, but we are too far gone down our own paths to really bother about what each other think. yes, love does breeds indifference. i don't hate. but rather i feel indifferent towards all these. i jus hate myself for lacking the courage to stand up and for my total indifference.

i have also really given serious thought regarding my future. 1 question that constantly float through my mind: Is university the route that i wanna go and wanna take? education, though has its advantage, limits creativity as we are taught what to think as it is fixed and incapable of change. it is not flexible. but this is the tried and tested route to success and in a way can be consider as a "shortcut" too much expectations have been put on me by teachers, peers etc. i fear at times that i am unable to live up to these expectations, thus disappointing people along the way. i am scared of failure. who isnt? i hate to fail but i like to win. i would say that it is this competitive streak in me that spur me on to be better than the rest and to be the best that i can be. but that does not mean that i backstab my friends as i put loyalty to friends above myself.

i am just ranting whatever that comes to my mind. so my thoughts are a little jumbled up. with randomness from me. i am confused, lost and i really hope that your shoulders would be the one that is there for me. to lean on and to support me.

i am just a confused boy now with no directions as to where to go. i am just flondering in the darkness. hoping that somehow i would find my way out of this darkness which i do not see myself coming out anytime soon. it's hard being me. i can never be back the boy that i knew i am. times change. people change. i change.

have i found the right person? sometimes i do question. or is it because i see too much of her in you and that is why i am attracted to you like how bees are to honey. if that is the case, are you a sub? i really wonder sometimes. it really hard for either of us not to think about it at times as that black mark would always be there. but i hope to amend it with my actions and my words. well, that empty spot in my heart would always be there, waiting to be filled. and for now, you are the one that filled it up. when, where. how would it be fill up permantly? i really do not know. i am not god, though i wish i am at times as it would mean that i would be perfect in this imperfect world. sometimes, being alone and single is much better than being attached, be it in an open relationship or closed one. doesn't really matter.

i just wished to be the boy that i once was before the world corrupted me.

this is a really bad weekend and a really bad week. no feline. and so many bad things start happening. don't want to elaborate much about it but it left me pretty frustrated and irritated. things that are suppose to happen did not happen. things that are suppose to be done are not done. things are not suppose to happen, happened. is our lives really determined by destiny and fate? is all these pre-destined to happen? well, i don't believe in fate, nor do i believe in destiny. i believe that my life is dictated by myself, not by others. though i must admit, i am really lucky on all counts.

school is going to be just as boring and i just want to get out of it as soon as possible. it's boring, stressful and a killjoy. the teachers too are now helping much too. what i need now is revision time for myself and all i get is homework after homework after homework. is it suppose to help me? i don't think so. i barely even have time for revision. all my time is spend in doin homework and i have really enough of it. so i am not goin to do homework, jus going to do those selective ones. i want out! out of singapore. out of school. out of my house. i just want somewhere where i can do what i like without anyone passing any unnecessary comments. well, cant blame the teachers too as their promotions and bonunes depends on the results of the students. while some teachers really want to help us, others i think are just going thru the motions and are more concern about their own skins. well, i could be wrong. let's give myself the benefit of doubt.

think i am going to go into my serious mode of isolation.

5 more days to go.....

it has been 6 days of tremendous effort not to miss her and not to long for her that much, but ya. i guess it's hard. well, no one said it was easy to begin with and it is only a few more days left before she's home finally.

over the past 6 days, we exchange emails, chat on msn but nothing beats the climax for today- A Call From Her. it really made my day, honestly, sincerely and truthfully. :)) well, it was morning over there at UK and afternoon here in Singapore. it was really sweet of her to call me despite it being super early over there in the UK. it was like in the wee hours of morning there when she called. it was a really nice chat. with so many things to say and so little time. love you lots man!

on a lighter note, went to Sakae Sushi with Mark, Dom, Elly, SK & Khai for lunch today and school as always is boring.

jus feel like saying this:

I MISS YOU!!!

it has only been 4 days since you left and it feels like a century to me. 7 more days to go. well, we have never been apart for such a long time. haha. the longest would have been 5 days. well. i was in Hanoi and You were at Ophir. but now we are seperated by time and space but it can never keep us apart :P ok. haha. jus tryin to sound sweet i guess. ha. i jus have to wait in longing for another 7 days and i can see her again next week :))

9 more days and counting.....

well, been only 1 day and i am already missing her like mad. haha. absence make the heart grow fonder? guess i jus have to cope with it for this 9 days. not that hard i guess? well, keep myself busy and time will fly real fast which also mean that Prelims are coming and i am screweeeed. haha.

Some Feminists Jokes that i came across.....

1. Women are unpredictable. Before marriage, she expects a man, after marriage she suspects him, and after death she respects him.

2. There was this guy who told his woman that he loved her so much that he would go thru hell for her. They got married - and now he is going thru hell.

3. A man inserted an 'ad' in the classifieds: "Wife wanted ". Next day, he received a hundred letters. They all said the same thing : "You can have mine."

4. When a man opens the door of his car for his wife, you can be sure of one thing: either the car is new or the wife.

5. It's easy to tell if a man is married or not. Just watch him drive a car with a woman sitting beside him. If both his hands are on the wheel, you can be sure he is married.

6. A man received a letter from some kidnappers. The letter said, "If you don't promise to send us $100,000 I swear that we will kidnap your wife." The poor man wrote back, " I am afraid I can'tkeep my promise but I hope you will keep yours."

7. "What's the matter, you look depressed." "I'm having trouble with my wife." "What happened?" "She said she wasn't going to speak to me for 30 days." "But that ought to make you happy." "It did, but today is the last day."

8. God created earth and rested. Then God created man and rested. Then God created woman. Since then, neither God nor man has rested.

Bon Voyage! My Dearie. I'll be waiting for you here in Singapore.

10 more days.....

off to the airport to send my darling meow meow off.....

was away and busy for the past 2 weeks, thus i did not update my blog. hmmm. what should i begin with? fireworks! yes. haha. hmmm. was suppose to go catch fireworks with dear but ya. due to conflicting times and such as she was involved in national camp, it was quite hard to find a common time to go watch coz everytime when we settled on the time and place, the darn rehearsal would always dragged. haha. but ya. since we are both in NCC, we should really understand each other coz duty calls :)) well, in the end we settled for catching the fireworks today on the train that i recorded last night. :P though not what we had in mind, but ya, it was more than enuf for the both of us.

she's leaving for UK on Saturday and would be there for 10 days. well, 10 days without her isn't it killer enough? absence make the heart grow fonder? ha. we shall see in the upcomin 10 days. we'll see.

really. i think exam stress is starting to kick in to many of us and signs are starting to show already. 3 more months to A Levels and it is really scary to think about it. on top of that, i have Prelim Lit Paper 2 tmr. how interesting can life get man and the stress that comes with juggling with all my 3 subjects is more than enough to kill me. been seriously thinking about my future over the past few days and i am pondering whether should i continue my education in the university after my A's. coz frankly speaking, education is really starting to be a drag and i want to be free from it. but also, i have to be practical as without a degree in singapore it is hard to survive. it has always been my dream to start and run a business and that would be the path that i may persue after NS. a desk job do not appeal to me, i prefer the great outdoors with no restrictions and no boundaries. yes, i am already beginning to plan ahead for the future.

Good Lucks to myself for Lit Paper 2 tmr :P haha i really need it.

Saturday, 29th July

Millennia Institute's 1st ever Cross Country..... i would say it was a success with Garnet House swopping most of the medals. :)) kudoes to them!!! after the run, went for brunch with dom, sara and khai and we went to causaurina to makan. following that, rushed home as i was suppose to meet feline to study and for a movie thereafter.

finally, after much hussle to get home, shower and change. i left house to meet her. initially was suppose to pick her up frm her area but as i was like going to be a little late, she came down to meet me instead. after meeting her, we headed down to The Cathy to buy our tickets and to study. studied with her and along the way, we each demostrated our origami skills. ok. i have to admit she is much better than me. lol. i struggled while she brisked through it easily. haha.

we caught the Lake House later after studying and this movie was the first serious romance movie that i have ever watch. well, it did leave up to my expectations though the addition of the novel "Persuasion" by Jane Austen was a little stunning to me. i would say that this movie would best sums up what love should actually be. Not a feeling based on the wealth or the looks of the individual but rather the connection that one gets with their partner. True Love does not comes easily. It involves a lot of waiting and yearning before a pair truely in love can finally get together. True Love knows no boundaries even if you are seperated by time and space. i came out of the movie feeling much like a fool for some reasons that only we knw :))

Sunday, 30th July

Mrs Heng treated us to dimsum at Fortuna Restrant and it was really nice of her and i would say tha we really cook up a bill. after that, teranz, mark, sk, elly and i headed down to bugis for some shopping on their part before we proceeded down to Suntec for some arcade gaming and dinner. haha. i would say today was feline's shopping. got her a few things. Yay! Finally got her the soft toy that i was suppose to get though it was not what i had in mind but it was probably the best representation of me to her :P MEANIE.... lol. and got this pair of cute little pigs in a small small bottle and Orlando Bloom. ok...she's totally in love with him. haha.

Monday, 31st July

Totally boring school is! went to pick up my dear from training and send her home and that is the only noteworthy thing that i did that day.

Today.

went school, stayed there rotting for 4 periods, went for PE. was suppose to play soccer then due to some miss communication thought that the guys were not playing so left to meet feline at AMK. we went to study. well, she rocks la. help me buy some food and drink. no doubt about the fact that she is nice and she rocks our socks. :))