Final Outfield before we head off the Wallaby. it was a super super XIONG 3D2N outfield. i think i didnt even sleep more than 8hrs combine man. well, no fresh ration. jus combat ration for those days.

we started off going into tactical mode the moment we reach TVMA. that means, our LBVs, helmet and weapon have to be on us at all times and not to add we have to camou on. it was really very challenging as we had not had such training in a long while. we were also to lagger at our vehicles. the outfield was splitted into 3 different types of training. Armour Attack, Infantry Attack and Delay Defence. we were suppose to play out these roles and to assult the other platoons or defend against them. sleep was scarce. as we had to be alert at all times. the last day my platoon did delay defence and we set off for our defence position at midnite. arriving there we had to set up shellscapes and that involved a lot of digging before we could rest abit. but then, even rest was a bother coz of all those buzzing mosquitoes that doesnt seem to be afraid of anything, eg. repellent.

that week itself was also rather slack as we returned back on wednesday night and had the whole of thursday to myself with nothing on. friday was suppose to be an off for us as our PC had given us off. and due to our fuck up CSM, we had our off voided and had to return back to camp. after that then he tell us that we had to go down for ATP despite the fact that we had been asking for the whole week and wat we were told was that we dun need to go down.

i think that it is really stupid of our CSM to do so. i mean, sometimes he really do things without thinking. if he had want us to stay and go for the ATP, i would galdly do so as long as he had jus say it in advance and not when our offs were approved and we were half way on our way home then tell us that we have to go. it's really fuck up la. i think he cant stand the fact that we are free. always doing some sort of stunt on us wan. like that time during trade's course, keep playin with our book out timing. it's like not that first time. really screw him la. then in the end it made all of us super dulan and sians. i think that care for soldiers is really not on his list of core values.

i really wish that we could change our CSM. and to think that i was even tryin to convince the others tat he was not as bad as he is. looks like i am wrong. take back wat i say. and also our PC seems so afraid of CSM. i mean, they are our PCs after all, i feel that they should at least try to stand up for us like how our PS would and not jus agree with whatever he say even though they know that it is not right or it seems wierd. maybe that's y we jus respect them for their rank and not them as a person. think the only one that seems like a PC is PC7.

also, which crazy motherfucker have to take off on saturday? store party covered, ammo party covered, sentry covered. so SAW gunners go down for wat fuck? really stupid lo. i had to take off on a SATURDAY? that's really stupid lo. wasting my offs. that time when SAW gunners had our ATP, i dun see them helpin us at all. rather we were doing everything ourselves, including the stores. this time round, i dun get it why we have to go down. company intergrity? my foot. i think it is otherwise. they jus dun wan us to have a long weekend. things have really changed for the worst with the change of OC coz it was already bad since CSM is around.

i was super pissed yesterday. think i stop at here. some things are better left unsaid. going to alvin's party later. haha. that asshole is finally 21. going to pull stunt on him hopefully.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!!
CHERYL, CHERYL, SHERYL, PECK YENG, RENE, ALVIN, CHANG PENG

actually last week was a rather slack week in camp. did nothing much except to play my psp, eat, slp and do some saikang. that was all i did for the whole week. ok la. low tempo, so i am not complaining. wait till next week, then i would start bitching again coz we are outfield and of all places we are going too, we are going to sungei gedong. seriously, i really hate that place man.

ok. i had friday off so i spend some quality time with alvin and mervin. let me recall wat we did tat day. ha. went to play at the lan shop that wei liang brought us there that day, then after that alvin had to send his cousin home, so i went shopping with mervin in town for both alvin's and huisia's present. after that jus headed home to rest coz i am feeling shagged out.

yeah, anyway i went for huisia's birthday party today held at her house. saw this particular someone there that i am not quite sure if i wanna see. i jus dont know to feel excited or to feel scared or it is jus frm embarrassment. but all i knw is that we dun seem like we are even friends anymore. yeah, i guess i did indeed do her wrong in the past. well, there is no one to blame for except myself. and i am jus like regretting and living with my mistake. and it is only right that i be ignored.....totally.

i jus cant bring myself to face her and say jus a simple hi. i jus feel small ard her. it is like a stare frm her cld jus tear through the fabric of my soul. my heart was in my mouth when i walked down the steps and she was the first thing that i saw. with heart pounding, i was really at a lost for words. i didnt knw wat to say. i didnt knw wat to react. then as i looked at her, she looked away. i can really hear the shattering of my heart. i selfishly admit that it was not the response that i hope to have, but it was the response that was kinda expected. after all, i think i was really a bastard to her towards the end of our friendship. i was jus being too selfish, too immature then.

what i did then resulted in the consequences that i am experiencing today. yeah. it's really karma. what comes ard goes ard. it was only much later that i realise the gravity of my actions. it's too late to regret. i knw that things can never be the same again. i think i lost more than a friend. i totally lost her as a buddy, a friend, a confidante. nowadays i jus feel kinda empty. it jus seems that no one can really take up the place left vacant in my heart.

if there was 1 thing in this world that i would give up everything for. it would be to have her back as a friend again. i dont mind losing friends jus to gain her back. but such words are jus words if no action is being partaken. but i guess it is jus a one way thing. she seem to have a much better life now with much better company. yeah and i think all that i've become is jus a memory or maybe even a forgetten memory in her chapters of her life.

it jus hurt me inside and there is not a time that i do not think abt it though i jus try to shrug it off. i miss the fun times that we had together. and i would be lyin if i dont say that it was the most fun times of my entire life. maybe the reason that i wanna sign on is also because of her. but ya, life have to move on. i wanna try to forget and move on like i guess which she did. i jus wanna forget despite my heart sayin no......but she is jus unforgetable. i should just stop deceiving myself that things would change for the better.

but at least when i saw her today, she looked well. and i guess tat is more than enuf for me. knwing that she is well. this despite the fact that we are not friends anymore. i guess i still do care. it jus kinda depressing, everytime i think abt it. guess no one can really understand hw i really feel.

we didnt stayed long for the party. leaving after a short while.

took off on wednesday evening to go for changkat changi's gals AOC parade. well, simple but a rather meaningful parade for the pioneer batch of gals that have finally taken over aft an eventful 3 yrs. well, saw a lot of old faces there and it does bring back memories. and ya, going there and being remembered and recongnise for ur efforts really make the trip a meaningful one. :)) that cld also be the last time all 3 of us, alvin, wei liang and myself were gathered together in the same place again coz NS calls all of us to serve her. wei liang was enlisted the followin day. think that wld be 1 of the last outings to changkat.

yeah. and i was back in camp again for that night then the next day was spent doing saikang aka packing for wallaby. ya. leaving for wallaby in a month's time. sianzation man. then it was book out day for me in the night as i clear my offs.

friday! alvin's birthday. haha. went out to celebrate with him and merv. jus a small celebration with the big one coming up in 2 weeks. hope i can make it man and that i dun need to go for the live firing. maybe i would jus take off for it.

saturday. went back to camp for falcon's POP. stupid lo. go back for 2 hrs then book out. after that went to makan with reagan and ting'er at cafe cartel before proceeding down to bugis to catch " i prounce u chuck and larry" fcuking hilarious and meaningful movie man. then i headed home. suppose to meet teranx and sk for dinner at serangoon gardens but i jus ended up slpin thru the night waking up this morning onli.

and yeah, it's book in day again today. heng next week is a short week man. coz SAW gunners dun need to do much. but i think they wld sure find some saikang for us to do wan. sianssss. haha. friday off in lieu, so ya. going to start planning something.

thinking of whether to go to her birhday party on sat. jus wondering.

a week in tekong and our training has finally drawn to an end. yeah. i am back jus for the day and have to be back in camp again by 0730 later. sucks man.

well, due to the injury to my elbow, i was unable to participate in training in tekong. so i ended up doing guard duty over at Sanyongkong camp while the rest of my platoon was out in the field. yeah. i did that for the whole week. boring but fun. but then given a choice, i would rather be outfield with my section mates than stay at camp like some watch dog. it sounds very slack but it's not really fun man as much as it may seemed.

over these few months, a bond has build up between my platoon mates and i.and we were brought together, much closer by several incidents that happened to us during our NSF days. even the sgts are like much closer to us, emotionally and physically as compared to the other platoons. that is wat i think and wat i feel. i guess, everyone is lookin out for one another so that there would be no repeat of what happen last time. no one wants another ce feng, not myself. not anyone. i could really feel the camaradiere amongst us as we help unselfishly or reluctantly at times. but help was always offered to those that needed it. i guess, these are memories that i am going to bring with me when i leave the military service into civilian life, such experiences cant be bought with money.

next week is going to be a tiring week. preparation for australia. we are like going to pack the equitments tat we would be using over there, cleaning and mantaining them before packing them up. yeah, armour is a vocation of it's own man, totally different frm infantry units. and that is wat we would be doing for the whole week.

wednesday would also be changkat's girls unit COC parade. time really pass by fast. it only seem like yesterday that the unit was formed and there we are now with the first batch of specialists and leaders frm the unit. wei liang would also be enlisting into NS service too. how time really flies. time and tide really wait for no man.

yeah. guess i better be off, wanna play my psp b4 i slp :P and try to catch up on some of my much needed slp. army can be a killer at times.

off to tekong for a week!!!

yeah. last week wasnt really a good week for me. fell down in the cookhouse and ended up with stiches on my elbow. wldnt be participatin in training next week i guess, jus going there to do saikang. but ya, at least i have my platoon mates for company :)) starting frm tmr, have to go to tekong medical centre nearly daily till they remove the stich next friday. hope it's not pain man :x

haha, also last week we had our platoon happy hour in camp. it was a bbq cum drinking session. haha. nvr saw my mates so drunk before. well. as for me, didnt drink much coz i do not like beer, spent most of the time cookin instead. :D

weekend was spend with kok chong and kong as we went shoppin at beach road. met kerk and cheng peng there. lol. then saw a few of my frenz whilst we were walkin ard the area. went frm beach rd to suntec then to The Cathy then to PS. lol. all ard the area. like amazing race like that.

wouldnt be back this weekend. but would be back the followin week. so ya. hope i have enuf hp batt to last me for the week man. and ya. of coz hope that my hand would be alrite :))