48 Hours To The Start of "A" Level Examination: General Paper

32 Days to The Start of Freedom & Salvation

Question to Ponder:

Does Mirror Images Really Exists?

do you get this feeling sometimes that some ppl are simply similiar? both in characteristic and outlook, even though they may not be related at all and they barely know each other? it is as if they are cut out from the same piece of paper. does such coincidences exist? or is it our brain leading us to believe in what we wanna believe in?

such occurances do happen once in a while i believe. but i may be wrong. reason i am talkin about this, is that i feel that i have been blind for a very long time by mirror images. blinded by reasons only known to me and me alone and it took me so long to realise it. well, i've been a fool in most of my actions due to this reason. i need no sympathy but only curses for me. i derserve it as much.

speaking greek here, i know i am. i don't need anyone to understand me. no one does anyways.

If you don't like it. just dont read on.

looking back at my history of friends, i must say that i have indeed left a huge wake behind me. i make friends easily but i dont maintain them. a flaw of mine? it may be. there is always this group of friends that happen to be my "in" friends at the moment. and when that feeling dies out after a while, i just move on to another group, leaving this previous group behind. it has happen alot of times and i am more or less use to it already. it is really commonplace for me. maybe that is why i am not so quick to condemn the actions of some of my friends coz i understand perfectly the situation. it is a trend that occur so frequently, that i dont really bother to fight against it. rather i just go with the flow and await the arrival of the next "in" group.

but 1 group of friends do remain constant in my life and that are my flight mates. bourned of the same unit, trained by the same unit. these are my brothers, these are my friends. the bond that we forged over these past 7 or 8 years is not one that can be broken easily. the spirit of brotherhood is steadfast withn us and we have weather all sorts of trials and tribulations that are thrown our way together which make the bond even tighter. that it is now unbreakable. though we have our tiffs at times, all these are always resolved over time. there is this connection between us, that sets them apart from being normal friends.

sometimes, i really feel that i dont belong to this current group of friends. actually to be honest, i think i never do. i personally feel that the connection is missing. the bond is lacking. like they say, appearance can be deceiving, i think we have deceive many people. i would probably call this- The Greatest Con Job Ever Pulled. we fooled everyone, even ourselves. but how long more can this deception go on? not long more i guess. and to put it bluntly, i am neither here nor there. i am nowhere. i don't belong to any clique. i dont belong to any group. i may looked like, but trust me, i'm not. to be honest, i prefer to be left on my own. but i did try to make the best out of things and i think that in the end i am jus making a mess out of it.

sometimes, i am just astrounded by the logic of some people. the hyprocrypcy that is being displayed. acting nice in front of the person and badmouthing him behind his back. wierd isnt it? well, i may be guilty of it at times too but at least in the end i make it clear to the person through my actions and words or i do tell you straight to the face that i hate your guts and they get the gist immediately, unless of coz they are really numbskulled la. some people too possessed wierd characters that simply leave me mystified. one moment nice, the next moment can be pure ice. it is like as if they are suffering from split personality disorder. there are many other different types of people. and some of them are jus mirror images of the original. so what i do to all these different types of people? well, i be civil. it seems like the best solution out of no solution or i just ignore them. both are not that hard for me. *shrugs.

i am just happy to take a backseat and watch the entire show unfold. after all, what i dont know cant hurt me and what i do know, i jus pretend that i dont.

the character that some of my friends displays really amuses me. it is like they are tryin hard to be someone that they are not, or they want people to think that they are these type of people which obviously they are not. some even think that they are the person that they make themselves out to be.

it's quite amusing to watch.

i guess they just wan to gain social acceptance or they are jus very shallow people who seeked through hide their flaws through their actions. deep down, they are just emotionally insecure. these group of people could mean anyone and everyone of my friends. it need not necessary be targetted at a certain individual or a certain group. not sure can ask me. :))

dont you find it hard to be the person that you want to be perceive as? to be someone that you are not?

from my point of view, popularity, prestige, wealth are just passing fads. they dont last forever. what for lust after them? they would be gone as quickly as they came. well, not to be bhb, but if i was half the guy i was back then, these people wldnt even hold a candle against me. that is how confident i am of my own abilities. jus that i've mellowed or changed or reform it you wanna call it. or i've just grown sick of it as i've seen and experience the evils that they bring.

this is no direct attack on certain individuals but rather the observation on my part. each of us are entitled to our own views and thus i am entitled to mine. and i am airing my views here, though i must admit it's kinda toned down due to my laziness to type.

it is better to be a nobody than a somebody. it is better to have a few good friends than many normal friends.

Question to Ponder:

if you could turn back time, would you right the wrongs or lived another new life?

___________________________________________________________________

I HATE You

I LOATHE You

I DETEST You

haha too many words to express what i feel about you. but ya. i really do feel this way towards you from the bottom of my loving heart. and the feeling is mutual. no price for guessing who. :)) there are only a few on my HATElist.

well, jus felt like saying it. jus felt like typin it. sue me if i offend you. coz "you" can be anyone in this whole wide world. and the world does not evolve around you.

it's the time of the night where you sit down and brood about stuffs and learn to regret past mistakes and having wishful thinking how nice if things were different.

i do cherish you, from the bottom of my heart. i still do and i would always do.

hmmm. less than a week to A's. much preparation done? i dont really think so. so little time and so much to go through. especially with regards to economics. doesnt really matter who is helping me now. be it meryl, feline, mag or rene. it doesnt really matter. the plain fact that it is too late to expect any sort of miracles with regard to econs. blame it on myself who think econs sucks and refusing to study it at all totally. no one to blame but myself. but i dont think that i should give up at this point of time. it is simply not me. it's simply too late.

i have no idea wat am i doing online so late. when i am suppose to be sleeping and gettin prepared for another day of challenging revision again. well, nowadays, i rarely have any idea as to what i am doing. too confuse? perhaps. too many things on my mind, things that i cant really let go. things which i wish after my A's there is a conclusion and an ending.

Understanding Womanspeak

FINE
This is the word women use to end an argument when they are right and you need to shut up.

FIVE MINUTES
If she is getting dressed, this is half an hour. Five minutes is only five minutes if you have been given more than five minutes more to watch the game before helping out at the house or when you are meeting her.

NOTHING
This is the calm before the storm. This means "something is up" and you should be on your toes. Arguments that begin with "Nothing" usually end up with "Fine"

GO AHEAD
This is a dare, not permission

LOUD SIGH
This is not actually a word, but is a non verbal statement often misunderstood by men. A loud sigh means she thinks you are an idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you over "nothing"

THAT'S OKAY
This is one of the most dangerous statement that a woman can make to a man. "That's okay" means that she wants you to think long and hard before deciding how and when you will pay for your mistake.

THANKS
A woman thanks you. Don't question it or faint. Just say " You're Welcome"

stupid haze left me with a running nose everyday without fail. my nose already so sensitive and the haze is not helping but rather it's making it worst. and on top of that, keep gettin headaches as a result. been popping panadols and cold tablets daily without fail. grrrrr......... currently nose is like a water tap.

hope it would rain more often so that the haze level would drop or a change in wind direction blowing the haze elsewhere would be nice :))

about a week more to A's. pray that my fellow combatants and i would have the stamina and the perservance to last till then :))

Happy Belated Birthday Merv!!!

went out for a belated birthday celebration with him, alvin & wei liang yesterday. went to Seoul Gardens at Marina Square for celebration. what that follows after that is not worth mentioning :))

well, merv has been my makkal since we were sec 1. it's a frenship 8 years in the making and we went through lots together, since we were in the same CCA and such, the same could be said for both alvin & wei liang. we were platoon mates, we were classmates. haha. during our sec sch days, we were part of the Tamil Gang that dominated both our level and our CCA, NCC (Air). those were the days man.

dun ask why i am hanging out with indians or why am i the only chinese there. coz it is a stupid thing to ask if you really know me well. but come to think of it, not many ppl do really know me well, cept for those that i consider as my inner circle of friends which is rather few i muz say. 2 hands can count alr. :)) yup. so you can put it as i don't trust much ppl or even if i do, i don't really trust fully. but those in my inner circle are the ones that i trust with my life. blame it on all the backstabbing & political plays. makes me rather suspicious of everyone and anyone. :)) or you can blame it on my age too, too old but not yet that experience. wahahaha. ok. starting to sprout nonsense alr.

hmmm. have not been updating that frequently. been out studyin everyday with rene or dom or some other ppl. i really don't like study in groups of more than 3 ppl. so ya. ish either a pair or alone. so don't keep asking me why or keep asking me out to study when it is obvious that i wouldnt go.

going out now. continue later.

3 days to the End of School

21 days to the start of A Levels

42 days to Salvation

??? days to Enlistment

less than a month to A Levels. dun think i am prepared. dun think i ever would be. but let's make good use of the little time that i have left to do something about it. quitting is not my cup of tea and there are sooo many ppl that i want to prove wrong. how nice if i jus had 1 more year. but then, that is what i have been telling myself all these while. deceivin myself and refusing to face the fact that A's are indeed here? i am jus wrapped in my little world, surronded by the things that i choose to call reality. see only the right things, hear only the good things, do only the correct things. would i ever stand up to face the truth?

who would be there to stand with me when i go into battle to fight that horrible nightmare called A Levels? no one but myself. no one can help me. no one can understand the amount of pressure that comes with it, even though each of us may be faced with the same, but it varies from person to person. we all have our goals in life and now we are at a turning point of our life, where there are a few routes before us and we have to make a choice. how many of us would really choose the route that we want to walk? how many of us would actually walked the right route? though all the routes may be right in their own way.

it is a do or die now. our future depends so much on jus 1 exam. it's quite scary if you come to think about it. we are staking our entire future in just 1 exam and the rest that we had in schools are jus a prelude to the real main event. and to be honest, it totally freaks me out, but i don't have anyone solid to lean on?

what are friends for? they are there for you to lean on in times of need and in times of trouble. that is what they say in theory, but in practice, how many of them would actually be there for you? they have their own problems too and adding our problems to them isnt really being very helpful i guess? maybe this is the time where one would see who are those that you can call "true friends" especially when social darwinism starts kicking in, and everyone is desperate for survival. rather ironic.

talking about friends. do we categorise our friends? or do they all come under 1 big catergory. everyone does to a certain extent i guess, even myself. is it the right thing to do one may question? but what is right and what is wrong? as there are so many opinions and all of them may be right in their own way.

so many things running through my mind over the past few days. thought things through. and i guess, i have a rough sense of where i wanna go in the future. university education is definitely not my cup of tea. i have my dreams which i wanna persue but would i sacrifice my dreams for a more practical stand? to be honest, i really do not know how to walk the next part of my life. i really do need guidance. but i always get the same 2 response "follow your heart, goes where it tells you to go" or "go to uni, it's better. aft all singapore is a paper society. without a degree you will die"

so many mistakes i had made in throughout my 19 years. but how many mistakes have i rectify? none i must say. i just let it happened and after that i try to shrug it off as nothing and jus move on, treating it like a lesson in life. could i ever lived with these mistakes? for some events that have occured, i play the blaming game and blamed everyone but myself. maybe i just could not accept reality? or maybe i was jus too caught up with myself to really bother about the feelings of others. some of the things that i may say may have hurt you badly but i jus did not notice. maybe that is why i am quite sensitive at times. i jus do not want to lose people whom i hold dear.

sometimes i wonder was it really worth it? giving so much and gettin so little in return? well, nothing more can be said too. the irony of life. no one would ever understand me. there are jus so many things bugging me now and i realise that i simply cant let go.

Currently Reading: Roald Dhal's Omnibus: Perfect Bedtime Stories For Sleepless Nights

perfect book to ensure sleepless nights. all the stories are rather dark in nature and all have surprise ending. some stories are a little sadistic, a total different perspective from his book written for children. not suited for kids to read.

doing up a "bible" for my A Lvl Subjects. haha and after A's may consider doing up a guide to tuanging school :P hmmm. there's alot of things to do after A's and i hope that i have the time for it.

well, another 5 weeks to the start of A's. and it's school sweet school tomorrow for me :D

The Most "In" Thing To Ask A Fellow Classmate Nowadays:

Are You Going To School Tomorrow?

yes, that is wat everyone is asking one another nowadays (applicable to students of MI). a drastic change from the norm which include examples like, "want to go for movie tomorrow?" or "are you going to do XXX's homework?" or "what's your PES status?"

so what's next? When are you going to enlist? o.O?? haha.